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Imagine if you will a situation where you are going to graduate from
High School by showing up at the school in the morning and turning in
a paper. Then imagine that your father has ordered you not to leave
the house or go to school that morning. What would you do?
Years later, when I'd tell people of this story, it'd be pointed out
to me that my father had been trying to stop me from graduating since
the very start of my Senior year of High School. How? I
wondered. By starting out the year with him stating that I was
disowned upon graduation. I had been set up for failure as my
subconscious would realize that if graduation meant I was disowned,
not graduating would save me from being disowned... Was that
why I had done so poorly in my final year of High School? Perhaps it
was a contributing factor, but the loss of my mentor and erstwhile
protector Zack Hatch had a part to do with it, and my inability to
figure out why I couldn't pass any 'Advanced Math' exam factored
into it as well. Still, it was a good point: That my father had
set me up to fail that year.
And as that had failed, he was now taking steps to assure I'd
still fail by the end of the year, one way or another.
During the morning phone call when he ordered me to stay at home
until he got there, he was formulating this plan where he was going
to cancel my plane ticket to Colorado and I would be staying in town
and taking Summer School in order to finish my classes and graduate.
Despite my trying to tell him the issue was resolved, he wasn't going
to listen to a word of it and I was to definitely stay home
until he got there to give me a piece of his mind in person.
And so from that phone call at six forty-five that morning, I stayed
at home and watched the clock pass seven fifteen. It was now too
late to catch the bus. And I continued to wait until
seven thirty. It was now too late for me to hop on my moped
and take it to the school. And then seven forty came and
went. And went with it, too, was any chance of catching a ride
with a friend driving themselves to the school that morning. By
seven forty-five, an hour after my father had called and told me he
was on his way over to chew me out, it was clear he wasn't coming as
he was only a twenty-five minute drive to the house when he called.
At seven fifty, I decided to blow him off and realized I could take
the spare key from the cabinet and take Lois's, his girl friend's,
left behind truck to the High School. I did and got there with two
minutes to spare.
I saw the English teacher and handed her my report, she thanked me,
and I let the Principal know, and he thanked me, and I met my friends
in the cafeteria. They were all going to go to Jonathan's house for
an afternoon of fun and boating on the lake. I joined them and we
picked up Pete's upperclassman friend along the way. At the far side
of the lake, we tied-up the boat and bummed around the lake town and
ate, then we boated back to Jonathan's house where I excused myself
and went to work for my last day at the grocery store before I would
have gone to Colorado later that week. Once done with work I took
the truck home and parked it where it had always been and found that
my father still wasn't home. He didn't get there with Lois until a
few minutes later and apologized to me for making me wait all day for
him to arrive. So I now knew that his order for me to stay home had
been a rouse and I also knew that he had no clue that I hadn't stayed
home.
So I told him it wasn't a problem as I hadn't stayed
home.
A touch of his anger flared but with Lois there, he held it in check.
But I wasn't going to graduate and he had told me to stay home!
''What are you talking about? They told me yesterday I was going to
graduate,'' I said trying to suppress the smile at the corner of my
lips. I was? ''Yes, I checked in at the school this morning
and confirmed it,'' I noted, letting some of the smile out.
If his girl friend hadn't been there he would have had a yell fest at
me and repeatedly called me a liar, but with her there, he couldn't
and just said, ''Well that's nice to know.'' During dinner
preparation he lamented that he hadn't had time to get ready for the
graduation ceremony. At this I told him not to worry about it as I
wasn't going. Now he had a new thing to bark about. I
definitely was going to the graduation ceremony and he wasn't going
to hear another word of it!
What was I going to wear, he asked during dinner. For what?
For graduation.
I guessed just my jeans and tee shirt. That wasn't acceptable
the bark came back. I pointed out that I would be wearing a gown
over it so no one would know. It still wasn't acceptable and we were
going out first thing in the morning to buy me something appropriate!
whatever.
The next morning I pointed out that I could use my corduroy three
piece suit from my eldest brother's wedding a few years earlier, it
would only be the fourth time I had ever worn it. But no, it
was too old and I needed something new for graduation and the three
of us got into his car and we were off to the capital city. We went
to the same formal wear place I had gone to two and a half years
earlier for the corduroy suit and, as I didn't care, I let him and
Lois pick out the suit, slacks, formal shirt and tie for me. They
made me dressed up at the clothing store to make sure it all worked
together. With the top button closed and the tie cinched up to my
neck I felt myself break out in a cold sweat and wanted to tear them
from my throat. Years later a psychologist would theorize the
reason why I hated things tightly around my neck harkened back to the
day of my birth. But I didn't have to worry about it now as my
father and Lois were soon satisfied and I could quickly take off the
suit. We drove back home as I had to be to graduation prep by the
start of the afternoon.
Once back, we realized that we hadn't gotten any dress shoes so I'd
have to wear my sneakers for the ceremony, but at least I'd be
nicely dressed-up otherwise. I put on the slacks and shirt but
kept it unbuttoned at the top and carried my tie & jacket over my
arm as I left, I told my father I'd put them on at the school. Van
picked me up and we were off. At the school it turned out that many
of us who swore we weren't going to participate in the graduation
ceremony were there as well, no doubt also upon demand of their
parents. I left the tie & jacket in Van's car and everyone else
went to get their gowns from the fittings of the previous Monday, I
went to the office to find out about my gown. It turned out they had
given it to a girl in our class who hadn't a gown of her own on
Monday during the fittings, at the time they thought I wasn't going
to need it, after all. So they pulled out a box of spare gowns and
found one close enough in size for me to use, cap too, then I
scrambled to the gymnasium where the rest of my classmates had
already started 'procession practice'. I snuck into line where Luke
showed me how to walk: Step, pause, step, pause. It reminded me of
the 'King Tut' dance comedian Steve Martin had done on Saturday Night
Live.
Once practice was done, there was a short break until the ceremony,
this was when I should have gone out to Van's car to get the rest of
my suit, but sure enough, with the gown on, all you could see was the
line of the shirt collar and cuff of my slacks with the sneakers the
most visible part. I didn't worry about it, just buttoning all but
the very top button of the shirt and pinching in the collar
underneath the gown to make it looked like it was buttoned.
The time had come and we lined-up in our places inside the gym and
the band started playing. We processed from the gym's back door to
our seats in front of the spectators already there and sat down.
Various people spoke, but I wasn't
paying attention as I just wanted to get this over with.
Finally, it was time to be given our diplomas and we got up one row
at a time to process to the stage. The Principal handed them out and
the tassel of my cap moved from one side to the other, then I walked
normally back to my seat and unbuttoned my upper shirt and pulled out
the collar to let my neck breathe as I awaited the end of the
ceremony. It came, some tossed their caps into the air, and then we
could go to the parking lot to 'meet our loved ones'. In my case
though, it was my father, his girl friend, and to my surprise
my British Uncle Ronny had somehow found out about the graduation and
come. He was the only one armed with a camera and all the pictures
the family had of the event came from him. I don't even know if my
eldest brother knew of the graduation day and time, nor if my not as
older brother was still in town.
With Lois there as a witness, I decided to manipulate my
father and asked him if I could stay at the house one more year to
work full-time at the grocery store and save my money to officially
move to Colorado. Knowing with her there hearing this request, he'd
have to say 'Yes' so as not to reveal his true self to her. He said,
''Of course!''
He decided we should go out for dinner. Uncle Ronny couldn't join us
and excused himself to drive home, and I 'went to change' and got the
rest of my suit out of Van's car. I took off my gown and cap and
carried them with the suit to where dad had parked and we drove to
the house to get Pappy. After dinner, we got home and as they went
to the living room to watch shows, I went up stairs to my bedroom.
Using the headphones, I listened to music lying in bed throughout the
night as I was so buzzed with the excitement of having graduated.
I couldn't sleep at all and watched the clock until it was time for
my final trip to the school the following morning. It was the day
after graduation and I remembered what I could do. I entered the
school and went to the guidance counselor's office. He wanted to
know what brought me back and I told him I wanted my file. He'd have
to get it and a few minutes later returned, file in hand. It looked
like a lot of paperwork had been removed, but the results of the I.Q.
test were still there. I didn't know much about I.Q. tests, but as I
left the school and peeked in at the results I knew that one hundred
was an average score.
I was above average.
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