Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Making A Killing

54


The close of my Junior year of High School didn't disappoint. Each year, the school organized a student variety show one evening to cap off the term. Some kids got their garage bands together and played songs, others who had taken drama would put on a sketch or two, a few students from band would organize and play a piece, dancers would dance and elephants would march! Well, all right, there were no elephants. As some surprises, Jonathan and Luke had come up with the idea of programming two Trash-80's to do the dueling banjos song as beeps, one computer being the school's, the other being Jonathan's that he could bring from home for the night. And I thought: Why not me? I presented the idea of doing my 'Public Speaking' class final speech as a bit. The selection committee, I think it was just the music teacher, had me do the speech to him cold in his office and he thought I'd make a nice break between other bits. He was thrilled, he explained, that at least I wasn't another student garage band wanting to do a song as he had more of those than he could use.
My speech ended on a pun about my name and it occurred to me that, unlike giving the speech in front of my classmates who all knew my name, the variety show audience would include mostly parents who didn't know me at all and I needed to find a solution. Then it dawned on me that, as I was portraying a self-important political figure, I should have a seal of office made up which prominently featured my name. I looked up the other Paul who I had shared those Creature Double Feature movies with back in Elementary School. He had become a budding graphics artist and he agreed to draw up a seal for me which I could hang on the front of the podium.
The closeness between my childhood best friend Peter and myself had faded once he had found an upper classmate to befriend in band class. As that upperclassman had little respect for me given my stuttering and mix-raced background, Pete would discourage us from appearing as friends during the school day over the years in order not to offend his new buddy. But now things were different, his friend had seen me over the years and had started to like me. He and Pete came to me with an idea: They would dress up as my secret service agents and join me on stage. He'd play my traitorous assassin at the end on stage where the audience could see him in the lights rather than trying to plant my assassin in the unlit audience chairs. Pete would bring in his walkie-talkie and ear piece and have it make a static noise burst at a point in my speech and he'd mime listening to the ear piece to foreshadow the 'danger' I was in. I liked this too and once Jonathan and Luke found out, they offered to bring in their suits as well and be additional secret service personnel on stage as they'd be there anyhow to do their dueling banjos piece. This was only increasing my enthusiasm for the bit and I was raring to go.
Over the last few months of my school year, my father suddenly had to work late at the ski area, which was odd as it was the off season, but I was too wrapped up in my own stuff to worry about it. When the night of the variety show came, I asked him if he was going to attend and see me perform. He said he couldn't as he had to go back to the park and work late again after dinner. No surprise. I actually couldn't stay for dinner myself as I had to be at the school early for the show walk-through.
Once there, 'concerns' had been expressed by the staff in charge of the event that my 'speech' might be inappropriate given the recent assassination attempt of the President, my satire hadn't been based on that, had it? I lied and said it hadn't, even pointing out (falsely) that I had originally written and given the speech in class during the second quarter of school before Ronald Reagan had taken office. Oh, well then, that was okay they agreed and we were told of my skit's placement. It'd be in front of the curtain between two other items needing to vacate and set up on the stage. When Jonathan arrived he had brought two ear pieces for himself and Luke to wear as part of my 'detail', Pete's upperclassman friend felt a little put out not having one for himself, but soon realized how small they were, he could easily mime having one by touching the side of his ear from time to time. Given the fears of 'new technology', the organizing staff wanted to make sure the Trash 80 dueling banjos bit would work beforehand so Jonathan and Luke had to set-up on stage and perform it. They did and it sounded great and was loud enough so the show was going forward!
Once the audience arrived and settled, the show began and I went in back to change into my corduroy suit from the year before for my part of the show. Pete and his friend, it turned out, were part of one of the garage bands and I slipped into the back of the auditorium to watch them perform and I was there as well for the official performance of the dueling banjos bit. As my speech approached, we gathered in the cafeteria space next to the auditorium, all in our suits, to walk-through the action. I picked a pause in my speech where Pete could do his walkie-talkie bit, I told his friend the key line when he was to pull his gun and shoot me, it turned out he could use a cap gun for this as it was part of 'a performance on stage' and not during school hours. I affixed my large 'presidential seal' to the podium and the curtains closed on the preceeding act and my 'security detail' took the podium on stage and made sure the mike was hooked up and working. They then motioned to me that they were ready. I came out and checked the positioning of the podium as it had to be right in front of the split of the stage curtains so once shot, I could fall between the split and my dead body would disappear so we wouldn't have to worry about it being dragged off once the bit was done. Satisfied, it was time to give the speech.
I turned and faced the audience well. It looked completely black as the spot light was shining on me, the only evidence of people being out there in the darkness was that the light pouring on the stage glinted off and sparkled from people wearing glasses and jewelry. It was as if I were looking out into the blackness of space and those glints were the twinkling stars. And I began, with a more solemn and somber pacing than I had used for my 'speech class' performance, I made sure to turn my gaze to and fro, glancing at the various audience members I actually couldn't see to make that 'special connection' with them that the politicians liked to do. While I had brought the text with me, double spaced with notations of how to say each line, I didn't need to look at it once as I had practiced it so often before this moment. At an earlier pause in the speech, another group had decided to help my performance as a couple of girls screamed during that pause as if I were one of the Beatles on stage. I was proud of the fact that I didn't break character at this surprise, and I greatly loved the moment as it happened. Then the point came for the walkie-talkie squawk and then the punch line of my speech and the cap gun fired. I thrust myself back through the curtains and this time my head didn't hit the floor as it had for speech class.
It turned out the next act was a gymnastics floor routine and they had placed a mat right up behind the closed curtains in preparation. It cushioned my fall and I realized I was lucky something else hadn't been set up there instead, say a drum kit for a garage band. As I got up off the mat I heard the applause from the other side of the curtain. I hadn't stuttered once during my performance. As I walked off back stage, my friends came in from the side and handed me the 'seal' from the front of the podium. I kept it for several years as a souvenir hanging on the wall of my bedroom to remind me not only of this night, but of the great success of my whole Junior year of High School.
When I got home late that night, my father's second wife, Roberta, was washing dishes. She asked if I had seen my father at the show? I said I hadn't and he had told me that he needed to work late at the ski area. She told me he had told her and Pappy during dinner that he was going to see me at the show after all as he was thrilled I was going to be in it.
This left me wondering, was my father actually proud of me all this time, but felt he had to keep it a secret?





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