Tuesday, September 24, 2013

I Was An Only Child (eventually)

12


The Fall of Nineteen Seventy-One had started out like it was going to be a great year as my sister had graduated from College and was going to be a teacher at a nearby town. This meant she would once again be living in her bedroom and keeping hours that synced with mine and thus my original mother figure would be back in my life full-time along with the rest of my siblings. But in reality, having graduated from High School the same time as my sister graduated College, my eldest brother was given a set of luggage from dad as part of his surprise disowning. This was postponed as mother intervened, but by the turn of the year my eldest brother was gone.
Surprisingly enough, his room wasn't. His furniture and stereo remained, just some of his personal belongings were gone. My not as older brother had grown up idolizing him and in his absence decided to move into his room. This lead to my not as older brother's room being available and our mother encouraged me to move to it in kind. My own bedroom had been next to the master bedroom so perhaps she wanted more privacy or something. Unlike my not as older brother, I did personalize his old room to make it mine with some moon landing related large photos and painting the window trim.
I wasn't suppose to ask why my eldest brother had gone.
Before the end of second grade, my sister was gone.
I wasn't suppose to ask why my sister had gone.
A month or so later, mother moved into my sister's vacant room. And this was my family by third grade. On the holidays I wasn't supposed to notice that two siblings were missing. Once in a while alone with mother she might mention that my eldest brother was living in a different state and my sister had moved in with her boy friend after she had been thrown out of the house...
A couple years earlier, after Pappy had built his apartment and moved into the house from Spring to Fall, my mother had been assigned to help take care of him on top of watching out for her own dad, Bumpa, and everything else. The daily visits to Bumpa became less frequent as she tried to make new time in her week to run the necessary household errands. Soon after this, I was with mother on one of these fewer trips to see Bumpa after she had not been able to reach him by phone. When we arrived, he didn't answer the door and my mother used her own key to let us in. She had grown very quiet and ordered me to wait in the living room portion of the house with the dining room between me and Bumpa's closed bedroom door. She knocked and heard moaning, and she let herself in. After a bit, me looking to the open bedroom door through the vertical slates of a dining room chair like bars reminding me that I was to stay away, my mother came out crying and went to the phone.
I honestly don't remember what happened next. I was later told that Bumpa had a stroke in bed and it had left him partially paralyzed and unable to speak, or get out of bed, or go to the one phone in the house. In a bit of a whirl Bumpa was soon in a nursing home and we were helping mom clean-out his house and ready it for sale.
As my mother had already become distant with my father from the living arrangements with Pappy, she went to the store owner, Joe, for comfort. That soon turned into an affair and they would sometimes meet with their cars at a location near some woods, then take one of their cars to a place where they could have some privacy. During one of these trysts, in early Winter Nineteen Seventy One, my eldest brother had spotted her car while driving by and assumed it had broken down and been left there. When he got home he asked Dad about it. Dad had my brother take him there and they waited until Joe returned with our mother. That's how they found out about the affair.
While I had started second grade joining the grocery store owner's son for the morning bus stop, mother stopped working at the store and started taking me straight to school and dropping me off. She found a new job as a motel cleaning lady, a type of job she had during her teenage years. I was no longer joining Joe's son in the morning because if my mother stopped there, it might be thought she was doing so to see Joe. While I had enjoyed a few play dates with the owner's son at the start of second grade, I was no longer allowed to go to his home or him to visit mine.
My eldest brother had been told by our father to keep the news of the affair from the rest of us. Despite this shared secret, or perhaps because of it, my eldest brother was soon gone and living on his own. Or perhaps his unintentionally outing my mother's affair had ended her support for his not being tossed out of the house.
Suddenly, mom and dad were joined at the hip and would do things together that I had never remembered them doing. Going out to eat while the rest of the siblings stayed home. Going to a movie, this time with me in tow. Going on a vacation trip to Florida, with me in tow again. It was my first time flying, and our first chance to see the completed Disney World and take some of its many rides. In part, this trip was so my father could meet-up with my snow birding paternal grandfather, Pappy, and the two would drive back to New England while mother and I returned by plane. It was soon after this trip that my sister was disowned and told to move out of the house.
Originally, dad had told her that she was to move out of the house if she didn't go to College but this soft peddling had back fired as she did, then, go to College and graduate. He made sure not to make that mistake when it came to my eldest brother thus providing him luggage to move out with upon graduation of High School, and rectified his mistake with my sister once he was back from the Florida trip. My sister, incensed as she had done College as he had said, retaliated by pointing out that mother was still having an affair with the grocery store owner, just now with the convenience of her working at a motel. With this news, the brief period of mom and dad being tied at the hip ended with them now living in separate bedrooms. My mother resumed her original job at the grocery store and dad invited Pappy to stay at the house year round and no longer snow bird. This stalemate remained for the next three years.
It was a little Cold War at home that I was blissfully unaware of, at first.
The odd thing about my father disowning my siblings, as I learned many years later in life, was that Pappy had disowned my father in his own teenaged years. It was an emotional confrontation and, as my mother told me, it ended with my father pushing Pappy through the plate glass window of their then Massachusetts home. I don't know how or when they reconciled later in life, but as for the emotional trauma of being disowned, my father had decided to pay it forward...





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